Hmm, I haven’t been on Tumblr lately. I find tumblr consumes much too much of my time. Lately it feels like I’m lacking in that area.
But the other week I had this dream that I can’t get stuck out of my head. I think it will probably be a dream that completely sticks with me.
My Grandmother passed away over 10 years ago. February 15, 2004, the day after Valentines day. Mum said afterwards that “She would never die on Valentines day”. At this point in her life she was very ill, in a state of unconsciousness and my mother didn’t want me to visit her because she thought it would distress me and ruin my good memories of her (I was 10 years old). Her intentions were good. But I have always wished I could have said goodbye. Its not a regret that I didnt. Because technically it wasn’t my fault. I remember the last time I saw her, and she gave me a boiled lolly out of her handbag. And I gave her a hug. But I walked out of that room thinking I would get to see her again.
Now my dream. My dream was that she was somehow resurrected for my 21st birthday (which is coming up). I was at my party and I was so thrilled to see her. I specifically thought in the dream I had to take the time to ask her everything I wanted and to take note, to remember it all and absorb it. Because after the party she was going to die again (Kind of like a Cinderella deal I guess). For some reason she was being a security guard. And at one point, I went to go tell her that the speeches were going to start, but she had just run off to my Grandpa’s car, and was driving away. Without saying goodbye. And I ran and ran and screamed her name and cried and cried chasing her as she drove away without saying goodbye to me. To not say a proper goodbye in real life hurts. But I don’t know how to express how much it hurt to see her in that dream, and not being able to say goodbye again.
I miss my grandparents so much. If I could have anything in the world it would be to have them back. If for an hour or a day. Losing them is still a fresh wound that makes me lose sleep.
This image is one of the images that has actually turned out how I’ve envisioned. There’s something about shooting myself that makes this process so much easier. Still in a fair amount of pain from this though. #stillhadfun #painmeansyourstillalive #photography #falling #smoke
probably wont have much time for this blog this year. When i DO have time im most likely gonna use that time to do more research for uni. And when I DO have time and I’m not researching for uni, I’ll be with Steve, friends, or maybe feeding my sims family (but that last one isnt really likely)
Harry Potter and the Year he thought it was Snape but it was Quirrel Harry Potter and the Year he thought it was Draco but it was Ginny Harry Potter and the Year he thought it was was Sirius but it was Wormtail Harry Potter and the Year he thought it was Karkaroff but it was Moody/Crouch Jr Harry Potter and the Year everyone knew it was that Bitch Umbridge Harry Potter and the year it actually did turn out to be Snape Harry Potter and the Year it turned out to be Harry all along.